This was something I wrote more than a year ago that I posted elsewhere. Unfortunately, that blog has now gone kaput. Just reposting what I found while I try to find something to write about…
I love challenges. I love risks. And at times, I get impulsive about getting myself into something and not thinking about the consequences. The more challenging that something is, the riskier it is, the more impulsive I get, the more tempted I get until I go ahead and take that challenge, that risk.
That’s the thing with challenges and risks. It lures you, seduces you, and whets your appetite. And depending on what you got yourself into, it keeps your blood pumping, your mind sharp, and your life exciting.
However, a few months ago, something happened that made me take a step back. It was something that I have never anticipated nor thought about. It was all so sudden, it somehow froze me in place. I chalked that up as an aberration of an alcohol-induced night of fun then forgot about it (well, not really since it was only shoved to the back of my head). Then a few weeks ago, it happened again and got escalated a bit.
I am not going into the details of what happened but I will call that second happening as temporary madness. Temporary madness was also an alcohol-induced night of fun however, there was something about that night, probably something brewing, that I cannot figure out. After a few days of thinking and a few sleepless nights, I can only conclude that it cannot happen again. Ever.
It is wrong, so very wrong. Temporary madness spelled trouble from the very beginning. And I mean trouble with a capital T.
It is tempting, oh so tempting to do something so stupid for once and get yourself in big trouble and try to get out of it. But this is not one of those trouble that can be easily amended. Getting myself into this thing will have repercussions that will last probably until I die. Given my upbringing, I can safely say that I know how to determine what is right from wrong. But there is that little voice at the back of your head asking mundane questions about your decisions. You say no and it will ask “why?” or “why can’t you do it?”, “why not try something dangerous for once?” And since your curiosity has been whetted, you think more about the situation and then ask yourself, “hmmm, why not?”
And that, my friend, is the voice of temptation. It lures you, seduces you, at times, misleads you into doing something just because your curiosity got the better of you and your love for taking risks and challenges got the upper hand. The thing is, what I’m talking about is not the garden-variety temptation like getting tempted to buy a dress then eventually buy it or like when you’re trying to lose weight and got tempted to eat ice cream then go ahead and do it anyway. No. What I’m talking about is temptation that puts lives at risk and most likely destroys you in the process.
Once you entertain that small voice, the more that you get yourself into something that you are not really prepared for. And the more that you try justifying yourself, in the end, you will be questioning your own decisions. Now the dilemma is, how do you get that voice to stop?