stormy dawns and clearer days

Dark clouds are gathering in the sky this early morn. I watch through the window as thunders roll and lightning disturbs the once quiet skies. I stand by the window, pulling the sheet tighter around me as I feel the early morning chill. The weather kind of suits me as my emotions are in quite a turmoil this stormy dawn.

I look back at your slumbering form, looking so peaceful in your sleep as the rain starts pouring outside. I let out a soft sigh and looks outside the window once more, losing myself in my own thoughts.

I long to stay out in the rain. To let it wash away the confusion that I am feeling, giving me a clearer view of things. Just as the dark clouds give way to a clear blue sky after the storm. All the confusion within me is making me restless. Now I just realized that I hate storms. What an irony.

I long for a smoke this dreary early morn. But I’m already trying to quit the habit. And I don’t want to wake you. Because you would be asking questions that I don’t want to answer. Probably not because I don’t want to, more like because I’m scared of blurting out the answers that will make everything more real. And I am scared of making this real. Whatever this thing is that we have.

I never expected to feel this way with you. You make me feel things that I’ve never let myself feel before. You somehow threw me out of my own axis and you became my semblance of balance. You became the catalyst that I never realized I was looking for. And I never know what to expect from you because of your spontaneity and love for life. It is exhilarating, it feels good, it scares the hell out of me. It makes me want to not wake up if this is a dream.

But somehow the thought of you being only a part of my dream tears me apart. Just the thought breaks my heart. I unconsciously clutch the sheet tighter around me, trying to ward off the chill inside.

Still lost in thoughts as the winds blow stronger outside, I start as I hear you call out my name softly. I look back to see you holding out your hand, beckoning me back. I smile and walk back, reaching for your hand as I lie beside you, snuggling close.

Resting my head on your shoulder with your arms around me and hearing the steady beat of your heart against mine, I feel calm and secure, laying all turmoil and confusion to rest. And as you tighten your arms around me and whisper, “sweet dreams,” I know deep in my heart that by the time I wake up, you will be my clear day after a stormy dawn.



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